Everyone goes through life wondering about the future, whether they will grow up get married and have kids. Or just simply stay single and do the things that they want without ever worrying. Becoming a parent though can really change the point of view or beliefs of what people generally expect about having kids. People do not know what to expect in regards to having kids, it can go either way depending on how they raise them. Some feel stuck when deciding on whether or not to have children because of the unknown outcome. Having kids can make some people happy or others miserable, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes things do not go as planned and have to put things to the side just to support a child, and people become overwhelmed with stress and unhappiness.

            When thinking about having children in the future, most would see a happy family like they would show on the television, although things aren’t always what they seem to be. People also try to aim for that level of a happy family and strive for perfection, but sometimes things get complicated along the way. “As a rule, most studies show that mothers are less happy than fathers, that single parents are less happy still, that babies and toddlers are the hardest, and that each successive child produces diminishing returns” (Senior). This states how difficult things can become for a parent. Happiness can be deprived and many things can become difficult, especially when raising that child alone. It can also go either way, for we do not know what the future holds for us     

            As humans, most tend to already assume things about the future. People sometimes tell themselves that something is probably going to be a positive experience without actually going through the process. “Gilbert and his collaborator Tim Wilson call the gap between what we predict and what we ultimately experience the ‘impact bias’-- ‘impact’ meaning the errors we make in estimating both intensity and duration of our emotions and ‘bias’ or tendency to err… Worse, Gilbert has noted that these mistakes of expectation can lead directly to mistakes in choosing what will give us pleasure. He calls this ‘miswanting’ (Gertner). Most of the time people overwhelm themselves with the thought of having kids, putting too much thought without actually knowing what will happen in the future. Things can get harder when having kids, but some will never know unless they have kids themselves.

            A lot of the time though, it is hard raising children because we sometimes go through life with the idea on how things should be, but as it turns out, it becomes something else. Many things become complicated and it becomes a process and a long lasting job. Here is what maybe expected: “Children may provide unrivaled moments of joy. But they also provide unrivaled moments of frustration, tedium, anxiety, heartbreak” (Senior). These things can really put a lot of pressure on a person’s life. Always trying to provide, give your all and making this child just as happy as many may want it to be. Raising the child is just a part process, for there are many emotions that come along with raising a child. All families go through their ups and downs, but learning how to deal with them and handling them is the key. Some try so hard to support their child, that sacrifice is needed in order to feel a need of completion.

            In general most people believe that when giving up dreams for that person that you care about most, will bring forth happiness. Sometimes though, it can actually be the opposite. “They believe, mistakenly, that sacrifice is synonymous with virtue, failing to recognize that staying in the relationship for the sake of the other will lead them both to frustration and unhappiness” (Ben-Shahar). In life, when things unexpectedly happen, some choose to just let go of everything they have, just to make everyone else happy. They end up depriving themselves of their own happiness and future because they have to worry about another life. Sometimes people even try to live their lives through their child’s and control every aspect of their life because they sacrificed their own for them. All the while it makes both the child and the parent extremely unhappy and frustrated.

            Overall, people go through life with an image of parenting and living a happy life with children without exactly knowing the outcome. Most think they know what will make them happy, but most cases fail to prove it right. Things become complicated and we are forced to make decisions based on how we feel about it. In the long run, some make sacrifices because they feel it’s the best outcome for everybody. Children can really change the way a person truly feels about life and how they think, but going through the process is the best way to find out for yourself.

Works cited:

Ben-Shahar, Tal. Happier, New York: McGrawHill, 2009   

Gertner, Jon “The Futile Pursuit of Happiness” New York Times, September 7, 2003        

Senior, Jennifer “All Joy and No Fun: Why parents hate parenting.” New York Magazine, July 4, 2010